Author: Peter Boehmer

Who is Raquel? The more I loved Raquel, the more beautiful she becames. Nothing new with that. That did not change for me, till her death. All the beauty escaped her body. As our daughter observed, her spirit left her body. While living, it was obvious to anyone who came in contact with her, that […]

A long marriage experiencing Alone Again will change a load of things. Here, we only used a cord of firewood a winter. Usually, some of that wood be started to occupation of the fireplace late afternoon — by then, the falling sun. We would share the couch — and cocktails (if wine qualifies as a […]

You might have figured out by what you’re reading, the author is a male. If the absence of a female’s experience, is not of concern of you, how happy was your marriage? — don’t tell anyone. I’m hoping, and trying to a gender-neutral point of view — yet I can imagine different emotions and experiences […]

I don’t know if I am amused or annoyed at all the rapidity change seems to control my thinking and emotions. Golly, my life experiences that at an ever increasing rate. For two years I’ve been saddled with pain. The pain has been slipping into sadness. Now — entering the fourth year, it seems that […]

That my emotions would be hurting, was expected. So was becoming lonely. Changing our IRS forms — insurances — etc. I knew these changes would be coming and tried to prepare for them. When future ‘realities’ turned present – their expirations became very different. But I did know that they were coming and for me, […]

Here’s an article from the NYT what is death By BJ Miller Dr. Miller is a hospice and palliative medicine physician, author of “A Beginner’s Guide to the End: Practical Advice for Living Life and Facing Death,” and founder of Mettle Health, which provides consultations for patients and caregivers navigating serious illness. Dec. 18, 2020 […]

Years ago, Kris (our first born), gave me a magnificent cigar box. I did not smoke, yet the box was of such beauty that it became a piece of art in our living room. Ricki was cremated. I specified that the ashes be put a small box, its size to fit in the cigar box […]

Amazing how one’s thoughts can reverse themselves, and how quickly. Before Ricki died, but knowing it would be soon — I was determined to rid everything that would feed my sorrow. The first morning alone, opening our closet — there — next to my jeans hung Ricki’s dresses. Just how could I “get rid” of […]

Memory of 57 years marriage was my ‘being’. With my wife gone, not only did I lose her but a big piece of my identity went with her. I needed temporary rests from the tensions that accompany the process. I stumbled across something on the computer. I always was fond of classical music but some […]

I’ve mentioned before that I’m new to blogs. That being the case, I might not be within the limits of orthodoxy. I am not trying to correspond with an “audience”. I am writing to you —- perhaps better expressed, sharing my pain with you and hoping you will do likewise with me. How else can […]

The very thought of you
And I forget to do
The little ordinary things
That everyone ought to do . . .

Eating together started two days after we met. Only a coffee house (of sorts), or — as said when asked about Woody Allen, “the food is terrible, but the portions are big.” Even though Raquel was a good enough cook to host a cooking segment on public radio for over ten years, and have three […]

Words seem better in poetry or song when emanating from the heart. You’re likely not old enough to remember WW II. This song then was about soldiers separated from their love. The only thing different for me it is about me separated from my Raquel. We’ll meet againDon’t know whereDon’t know whenBut I know we’ll […]

At my wife’s   “Celebration of Life” ceremony perhaps 60 or 70 attendees shared their loving connection to her.  At the reception that followed I greeted the attendees at the entrance.  They show great empathy and assured me that knew what I was going though.  Such assurances came from some folks I don’t remember seeing […]

These thoughts on friendship and love are — right or wrong — my notions. (And yours?) Something that I found more than interesting: “It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.” Not perhaps, but certainly, Raquel’s and my relationship, was “happy”, but even so, how did  Nietzsche’s […]

The chaplain at Raquel’s college thought highly of her. He and I thought highly of each other, perhaps because we both liked theology and beer. Though he knew I had a GF four states away, he thought Raquel and I would be a good match. I was not interested but politely consented. We were to […]

“I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours“ Perhaps it’s because I’m not good with words or speech, that I looked for something different than language. The Little Prince claims: “One can only rightfully see from the heart….what is essential is investable to the eye.” So, buying into the Little Prince, when something is […]

When’s the last time you listened to Willie Nelson sing “September Song”?  Were you to listen again, would it have the same meaning for you?  Here’s just part: “Oh the days dwindle down  —  To a precious few . . .September, November . . . And these few precious days — I’ll spend with you. […]